I'm not proud of this: Yesterday, I pitched a fit! A real, angry, yelling-out-loud, kind of fit. And, it was wrong.
And it didn't make me feel any better.
I only felt better once I asked God to forgive me for my bad attitude.
One of the things I realized yesterday is that holidays are harder for me than I thought. I was looking forward to yesterday because, well, it was a holiday. I was trying so hard to spend my day in such a way that I would have energy in the evening to go watch fireworks. Life had other plans. And late afternoon, when I realized this, I just got mad. All of a sudden, everyone's pictures on facebook of parades, picnics, and fireworks just made me jealous (with a capital J)! I was going to have another holiday stuck in the house on the couch and I had had it. What made things worse was Andy was supposed to have the afternoon off but spent a good portion of it at the church trying to fix something (that was supposed to be an easy and quick fix) but everything that could go wrong, did. Poor guy didn't have much of a half day for himself (he works so hard - he needed it!) and I was excited that he was going to be here most of the day with me (since I'm usually home alone most of the day M-Sat) and so I was bummed when that didn't go how we "planned" either.
Expectations can get us into so much trouble!! I remember some advise we were given when Andy and I first got married: Set clear expectations for the other because otherwise you'll both be continually let down. It was sound advise and it's helped us both to remember to communicate what it is that we want out of this day or that situation, etc. There's been times when both of us have failed to do this, and sure enough, the other was hurt and disappointed. Well, yesterday, my expectations of what I thought my 4th of July should be fell way short and instead of giving thanks in ALL things, I overreacted and pitched my fit.
Life isn't easy no matter how sick or healthy we are. Life is even harder when enduring a long medical trial. But, that is not justification for bad behavior. What's worse is that I KNOW this and I still did it anyway. I gave into anger and pitying myself instead of counting the blessings that yesterday held. Sure, we've all done that but I'm learning that it doesn't matter the situation, anger and self pity don't help me - they hurt me. It's one thing to talk, cry, and lightly vent about what I'm going through. It's another thing, entirely, to yell, get angry and jealous, and want to blame everyone else for that anger. One is sin. One isn't.
I've been reading through (and have yet to finish) the new book by Joni Ericson Tada called "A Place of Healing". It's good. Really good. She talks a lot about healing and what God's word has to say about it. It's been refreshing and convicting. It's been insightful and inspiring. And, it's been just what I needed. She spends a portion of time on discussing accepting God's plan for our lives, even when it's hard. How we are to give thanks in all things and heal by loving HIS plan for our lives. That's not always easy but it is what is right. I recommend this book to anyone who has questions about physical healing and I hope it blesses you like it's blessed me.
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