God's Perspective

For those that I talk to often or read my facebook posts, (and read my last blog entry), will know that I'm reading Joni Eareckson Tada's new book called "A Place of Healing".  I posted a portion of a chapter to my facebook page where she cites scripture that shows that God commands us not just to serve Him but to serve Him with gladness!  It was convicting and yet gut wrenching for me because I feel like right now I have nothing to offer.  While I recognize my attitude at home, even when I'm alone, matters - I still feel like because I can't teach Sunday school or help take my turn anymore with the projection on Sunday mornings or spend more of my time devoted to a woman's ministry or helping the youth program - that I just don't have much to offer. 

In Joni's book she talks about how she struggles with feeling the same way and her words were exactly the ones God knew I needed:

"In the course of some of these recent days as I've fought for just the smallest bits of normalcy (Oh, how I can relate) and peace in my war with pain, I don't feel as if I have very much left to offer at all.  But in the final scheme of things, I know it doesn't matter.  He is the one who will make the most of the little I've got.  He is the one who took note of the widow's mite, dropped into the treasury, and affirmed that her little was worth more in heaven's sight than the offering of those who had given much, but had much more held in reserve."

 After reading this, I cried like a baby!  Anyone reading this who has a disability or illness that limits their physical abilities will most surely understand why.  When others who are healthy and have so much more to offer, it's hard to feel like God can use sick or injured me to do any good for His kingdom.  So much of my time is spent at home, on the couch, because of my unrelenting fatigue that I often feel like nothing I do throughout the day matters.

One of the battles I face lately is not falling into the trap fatigue throws my way - being lazy VS feeling lazy.  Some days, I'm so exhausted and my brain is so foggy, I'm lucky if I have the attention to read or watch TV let alone pray for people or spend time in the word.  But, then there are days when my head isn't so heavy and instead of taking that opportunity to really focus on the things that matter, I can sometimes fall into the trap of doing what I WANT to do instead of what I should want to do first.  This isn't always the case but there are days where I forget to stop and spend time with God because I'm so caught up in trying to do some things I enjoy while I can enjoy them.  As a believer, my first joy should be spending time with God - but as with all of us (healthy and otherwise) the other things in life long to distract us. 

But, there have been times, too, where I've been zapped of what little energy I have and yet found the way to pray or read His word or spend time talking to someone who needs to talk and to KNOW that God knows how much of an offering that is - to KNOW that He sees when I give and understands that what I can give is still just as "weighty" as what someone healthy and full of life can give - brings a HUGE amount of peace to my heart!  In fact, knowing this about Him makes me LOVE Him MORE and helps me want to try even harder to offer what I can when I can. 

If you are dealing with some kind of illness or disability that has you feeling anything similar, I recommend reading the book mentioned above.  I'm still not done but I can't wait to finish it and I'm guessing you'll be hearing more from me about it if it keeps going the same direction it has been.  Always remember that God sees and God knows and most importantly, God understands what it is that we're going through.  He loves us and sees our offerings for what they are.  I hope these words I've shared help you in whatever it is you may be facing and if any of you would like to share - please feel free to comment. 

Much Love - Jen