First, a quick update:
1-The in office doctor's visit issue has been sort of resolved. My family doctor here in town is willing to see me to help fill out the paperwork for my disability. Not having to travel to Yakima is a huge answer to prayer but even this appointment could wear me out quite a bit so I'm praying that I will have a better than usual day that day and that I will feel ok.
2-The other item that will be taking place in Yakima, there is a possibility of conferencing via the phone. Please be praying that this will be approved as I know my limits and a trip to Yakima for this would not be physically possible right now.
Thanks for your continued prayers around these items - I appreciate it so much!! :)
One of the most draining aspects of chronic illness is the battle against fear and discouragement. Today was no exception. Whenever I have a day that the fatigue and wooziness are extra bad, I fight the urge to be scared and worry I'll never get better. Or worse, that I will actually regress. So far, the new protocol I'm trying is doing everything as it says it will. I'm feeling quite yucky most of the time with short spurts of hope (like 10-30 min) about once a week or so. It's a process that takes months of dedication and time to allow the process what it needs to help your body get ahead of the problem. But in the meantime, when the bad spells kick in (and trust me, they've been pretty horrible,) it's so hard to not doubt and worry that I'm not actually getting better, that I'm only regressing and not actually helping my body.
Another thing I've come to love/hate is the internet. Without it, I would never have crossed paths with the person who turned me onto what I'm trying now and what I believe is finally (HOPE TO GOD) the answer. But the answer has so many different theories as to what causes it, so many different people claiming they got better by doing this or that, it can make one feel as though you're in a mall in a foreign country and you just want to find a certain shop but all of the shops offer the same things and the same promises and you don't have a clue what's the best or worst. This makes me wonder and start to worry that what if I'm wasting my time on this protocol? What if all this suffering I'm enduring is for nothing? Truly, I don't think it is but it's hard, after years of failed treatments and unsolid diagnosis, to not be anxious that this is history repeating itself again.
So, I lay myself before God, again, asking for His peace. Any human amount or attempt at peace never works and I know my portion must come from Him because I'm so worn down. It is God alone that gets me through each day and keeps me from losing my mind. He also uses those of you around me to help encourage and love me and for that I can never repay you. In some ways, I think I'm finally facing the reality of my illness, now that I'm pretty sure I can give it a name (or two). So, if you know someone who is chronically ill, send up a prayer for them to be encouraged and whether it's a hug or a quick text, anything could be just the thing they needed that day to help get them through. I'm so thankful for my encouragement warriors, especially on days like today. Again, thanks for the prayers and please keep praying for the two appointments mentioned above!
Much Love - Jen :)