Holding On

Hello!

I'm sorry it's been another stretch since I last posted.  The last few weeks have been, well, full of all kinds of things.  Changing medicines proved to be volatile!  I had about a week there where I was as sick as I was when this all started two years ago.  I don't know if many of you can appreciate how frustrating that was.  I feel like I've clawed and grasped for any slight progress I have made in the last two years and to feel like it was all gone was one of the hardest things I've faced, yet.  I felt like I was on the edge of sanity and realized that I had a choice to make.  I knew I didn't have a choice as far as the medicine dilemma - that I had to see this through.  So, I had to choose either to let fear take over completely OR give in to God. 

I don't know if I've ever really had to "let go" like I did then.  I really and truly had to let go of my idea of healing and place my trust in God's path that He has me on.  Every day I just kept asking God to help me trust Him - to help me trust that He knows what He's doing.  I still don't know if I can say it was a complete surrender but it was what I would consider my closest thing to it.  After about 10 days on the new regimen, I finally started gaining some ground.  I'm still not back to where I was a couple months ago but I'm better than before and I'll take whatever progress I can get.  The adjustment process of this new regimen still has a ways to go (like 2-4 months) but I'm holding on to the hope that this will actually allow my overall healing to be more successful.  I'm also holding on to the knowledge that when things feel their worst, when we feel like all hope is lost and that God has turned His face from us, that's when He's carrying us in His arms and He's never been closer. 

This past week I was also given the gift of family!  My Dad and sister were here and it was so wonderful to have them!!  They cooked, cleaned, and painted our bathroom while also taking time to visit and love on me.  Dad also took care of some minor "fix it" projects Andy's been too swamped to get to so it was great to have a load taken off our shoulders!  I miss them both dearly and it also makes me long for my Mom and my other sister to visit, too! 

While they were here, we took the time to celebrate my husband's birthday.  I had been in cahoots with his and my family to surprise him with one extra nice gift and thankfully he was happy with what we got him!  Because of all we are having to go through, I always wish I could do more to show him just how much I love and cherish him.  But, I'm so glad we were able to surprise him with something special this year!  I don't know what I would do without him and I'm so thankful God saw fit to bless me with this man!!  Happy Birthday, Andy!  I love you more than I know how to put to words!!  Thank you for being by my side through all of this.  You are my physical reminder of the hope we have in God's love for us and how He never leaves us or forsakes us.