Friday, January 11, 2013

Once Again

Well, here I am, once again, in a familiar place. 

It's happened before, a few times.  Times when we thought ok, we've now found the answer and have moved forward with a new game plan.  Only to be disappointed by the lack of progress when so many others had found this or that treatment helpful. 

In the next few days, I will begin a new direction - a new plan/protocol.  We think we've maybe found part of the answer but we're not sure if it's the only thing going on.  I'm feeling better about this than the others, simply because this seems to fit so much better with my whole life and not just the past almost 3 years.  Part of me longs to be excited and hopeful while the other part of me screams to have caution so as not to be let down again. 

It's hard to publish posts like this because most people are caring and awesome and want to be excited with me/for me!  But sometimes, letting people know we're trying this now or we think we found the new answer makes things harder for me.  Hard because sometimes without knowing or realizing, you expect real results this time.  When I call and don't have good news, I hear the disappointment in your voices and even though you're not disappointed with me, I sometimes feel like I've let everyone down again.  It's a lot of pressure to always have people wanting to hear you're better. 

So, once again, I'm asking for prayer.  I want NEED this to work.  I am at a place where I really need some encouragement by progress with my health.  Don't get me wrong, your prayers, calls, cards, emails, etc are a HUGE encouragement but I'm really needing some results here.  I'd LOVE a miracle; to wake up tomorrow and be healed completely would be terrific!  And, of course, I want that!  But I'd also LOVE to have made even some slight progress and even though this new protocol gives SLOW results, I'll take it - if it would only mean we were finally on the right track. 

I'm also asking for prayers for wisdom for me and my doctor.  He's given me a couple other treatment options to research, too, that we can do in addition to the new protocol.  Please pray we make the best decision for my overall health.  

Thank you so much for reading, for your thoughts and prayers, and for encouraging me when I need it most! 

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