In no way will this explore all aspects of how one's faith in God is affected by ongoing illness but I do wish to explore some of the major points that Andy and I have struggled through (and continue to wrestle).
-Church
-Healing
-Trusting God and His motives
-Guilt (Did a sin in my life cause this?)
-The Ultimate Purpose of this
#1 - Church
The first issue or struggle we had to tackle together was my inability to attend church now that I was sick. We both know and understand that church attendance isn't what saves us but we both grew up in homes that taught the importance and value of regularly attending. This is something we both came to value and enjoy as adults. We know that regular teaching, fellowship, and serving our church body is for our benefit. Especially here at our church in Mabton, we were encouraged by the weekly love and support you'd feel from everyone every week. So, why would God allow me to be so ill that I've only been able to attend a Sunday morning service twice in the last almost two years?
This was a struggle for both of us because we'd both been born and raised in church. We are both from families that didn't allow excuses or activities to get in the way of church attendance - it was a commitment. Granted, blizzards or the flu bug was different but there was no way we were getting out of church for a day of shopping or hunting or sports. Even on family vacations, we found a church to go to or we had family devotions before doing anything else on that Sunday. Now I'm not saying this to brag or make anyone feel bad - I'm just trying to draw a clear picture as to why this was such a battle for us. In many ways, I felt like maybe I wasn't trying hard enough or didn't have enough faith that God would help me feel better once we got in the car to go there. But in all reality, that simply wasn't it. I am not the first believer to become ill with something that keeps them from Sunday morning church and I won't be the last. I didn't do something to bring on this illness - it just happened. Do I still wish I was better so I could attend church again? Of course - I pray for it often and wish for that day all the time! I miss my church family like crazy and hope for the day I'm healed enough I can start attending again. Another battle we faced was the comparison game - other people with major medical problems still made it to church, how come I couldn't? One thing I've learned through all of this is to never compare your medical situation to someone else because each body is different and handles things differently. I had to stop thinking of my illness as "less" bad because it wasn't one we were familiar with and start recognizing it for what it was.
One thing that helps me with this is that our church publishes the weekly adult sunday school lessons and sermons on the church's website. I take time to listen each Sunday after my morning nap and having that tool to utilize is so nice! Granted, there's a ton of other bible teaching tools on the internet but being able to stay connected to your own church body is such a blessing! The other major thing that has helped me is knowing that God knows my heart and knows that I would be there if I could. He will help me heal enough when the time is right for me to be able to attend again. He has me going through this valley for many reasons and one is because for some reason, He seems to want me mostly to Himself! :0) (I love you Jane Guay and always appreciate it when you tell me this!)
Keep praying for me though - I still have Sunday's when I wake up and struggle with being upset because I so hate missing it. I have dear friends there and wish so badly I could see them more often. This usually leads to feeling sorry for myself and we all know how much good that does - ZERO! So thanks for reading and, if anything, I hope this helps those who are healthy enough to attend to learn to enjoy both going and serving while they are there because they are ABLE and also to reach out once and awhile to those who can't because they so desperately miss you and still need the encouragement that only a church family can give!
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